Helping Our Kids Build Resilience
Even in the most inclusive and supportive schools, kids will sometimes experience unkindness from their peers. While schools do their best to promote kindness and respect, we can't control every situation. As parents, instead of focusing solely on stopping bullying (which isn't always possible), we can empower our kids by giving them the tools to respond, build resilience, and boost their confidence.
Understanding Circles of Control
One of the most valuable things we can teach our kids is the concept of "Circles of Control." It's a simple way to help them understand what they can control and can't so they can focus their energy on things they can influence instead of getting frustrated over things they can't. This skill can help them handle tricky social situations with more confidence.
Circle of Control: These are the things your child can directly control—like their own reactions, thoughts, feelings, and actions. For instance, they can decide to stay calm when a friend is being unkind, walk away from a situation that makes them uncomfortable, or ask an adult for help if they feel unsafe. These are all within their circle of control. Circle of Influence: Your child might not be able to control others, but they can sometimes influence situations. Maybe they can make a difference by setting a good example or encouraging their friends to be kind.
Circle of Concern: This covers things entirely outside their control—like how others behave or the weather. Teaching kids to let go of these worries helps them focus on what they can do.
Once they grasp this, kids can start channeling their energy into what truly matters—their own actions and well-being.
Practical Tips for Dealing with Unkindness
Here are some ways to help your child navigate unkindness at school while also building emotional strength:
Stay Calm: Teach your child how to stay cool when someone is unkind. Techniques like taking deep breaths or counting to ten can help them keep their emotions in check and respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.
Use "I" Statements: Encourage your child to speak up assertively but calmly. Saying something like, "I feel hurt when you talk to me that way," allows them to express their feelings without escalating the situation.
Walk Away: Sometimes, walking away is the best option. This doesn't always equate to 'giving up', it's about protecting their emotional well-being and finding a more positive space.
Seek Support: Let your child know asking for help is okay. Whether it's talking to a teacher, counselor, or another trusted adult, they don't have to face unkindness alone.
Practice Kindness: Reinforce kindness at home. Role-playing different scenarios can help them figure out how to respond with kindness, even in challenging situations, while still standing up for themselves.
Focus on Good Friendships: Encourage your child to invest in healthy, supportive friendships. A strong group of friends can be a source of comfort and resilience during difficult times.
Building Resilience Through Challenges
The goal isn't just to help kids handle unkind moments—it's to help them build resilience. We want our children to bounce back from challenges and keep a positive outlook, even when things get tough. By teaching them to focus on what they can control and giving them practical tools, we're helping them grow into emotionally strong, confident individuals.
Every challenging moment, every unkind word, is an opportunity for growth. With the proper support, our kids can come out stronger, more compassionate, and better equipped to thrive in any situation they face.
