The Art of Active Listening
Picture this: You’re mid-sentence explaining why bedtime isn’t up for debate, and your child is staring at you like you’ve turned into the teacher from Charlie Brown—all they hear is 'wah wah wah.' Their eyes glaze over, they nod mechanically, and you just know your words are floating into the void. Sound familiar?
Now flip the script. Your child’s friend is trying to share about a tough day at school, but instead of listening, your kid interrupts to brag about their new video game high score. Or worse—they’re scrolling on their phone while their friend is still talking.
Active listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s about truly understanding and connecting with others. And, surprise! Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) is the key to helping kids master this essential life skill.
In many schools, we call this Whole Body Listening. It’s a way of showing that students are ready to learn—engaged, focused, and prepared to absorb what’s being shared. When kids practice whole body listening, it’s not just their ears doing the work; their eyes, brain, heart, and even posture are involved.
While Whole Body Listening focuses on the physical cues of attentiveness, Active Listening takes it further. It emphasizes not just appearing engaged but truly understanding and emotionally connecting with the speaker’s message. Think of Whole Body Listening as the foundation and Active Listening as the next level—where comprehension, empathy, and thoughtful responses come into play.
The Listening Gap: When Kids Know How vs. When They Don’t
When a child doesn’t know how to actively listen, it looks like this:
Interrupting: Jumping in with their own stories before the other person’s finished.
Zoning Out: Attention drifting to the nearest shiny object or random thought.
Rushing to Respond: Thinking about what they’ll say next instead of focusing on the speaker.
When a child does know how to actively listen, it looks like this:
Eye Contact: Looking at the speaker to show engagement.
Body Language: Nodding, leaning in, and showing they’re tuned in.
Reflective Responses: Saying things like, “That sounds really tough” or “I understand how you feel.”
Why Active Listening Matters
Active listening lays the groundwork for developing empathy, deepening understanding, and nurturing meaningful relationships. When kids listen deeply, they become better friends, learners, and problem-solvers. Plus, they’re more likely to feel heard themselves, creating a positive cycle of respect and connection.
And let’s be honest—we all know adults who still struggle with this. You know the ones: checking their phone mid-conversation, cutting you off to talk about themselves, or nodding like a bobblehead while clearly not listening. Teaching active listening early saves your child from becoming that person.
The SEL Breakdown: Teaching Kids to Really Listen
Here’s how to help your child develop active listening skills with SEL techniques:
Model It Yourself: Show your child what active listening looks like. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and really engage when they talk to you.
Play the “Repeat Back” Game: After someone shares something, have your child repeat back what they heard in their own words. It reinforces understanding and shows they were paying attention.
Practice Patience: Encourage your child to wait until someone finishes speaking before responding. Use a “talking stick” or another fun tool to help them practice taking turns in conversation.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Teach your child to ask questions that invite more detail, like “How did that make you feel?” or “What happened next?”
Reflect on Feelings: Help your child identify the emotions behind the words. “It sounds like you were really excited about that!” or “I can tell that made you upset.”
What Happens When They Get It Right
When kids master active listening, they don’t just become better communicators—they grow into empathetic, thoughtful, and emotionally intelligent individuals. They build stronger friendships, resolve conflicts more easily, and create deeper connections with others.
Plus, you’ll notice fewer one-sided conversations at home (and maybe even a little more cooperation when you ask them to clean their room—no promises, though).
It’s Never Too Late to Start
Maybe your child is already a chronic interrupter or space cadet when it comes to listening. That’s okay! It’s never too late to teach them the art of active listening. Start small, celebrate progress, and keep modeling the behavior you want to see.
Remember, teaching kids to listen isn’t just about improving conversations—it’s about fostering empathy, understanding, and stronger relationships that will serve them for life.
Empowering your family, one conversation at a time.
