The Benefits of Time-Ins

Imagine this: your four-year-old daughter suddenly drops to the floor, flailing in frustration because she desperately wants the toy car her baby brother is holding, despite a whole basket of cars nearby. In her chaos, she accidentally knocks over a stack of blocks, sending her brother into a wail.

Now both kids are crying, and your own frustration is bubbling over. What do you do in this moment? Do you blow up on your daughter and resort to giving her a time-out?

If this sounds familiar, it might be time to explore a transformative strategy: The magic of Time-Ins.

What Are Time-Ins?

Time-Ins create a nurturing environment where children can process and manage their feelings. Instead of isolating them during challenging moments, Time-Ins foster connection, understanding, and emotional growth.

Dr. Dan Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA, emphasizes the importance of this approach: "Having kids reflect on and talk about their emotions supports the important development of emotional understanding. We encourage parents to comfort and connect with their children during times of distress and to reflect on their inner experiences rather than isolating them in moments of anger."

In the classroom, Time-Ins have proven incredibly effective. We call our Time-In area "Calming Corners." These spaces, co-created with students, are filled with soft seating, stress balls, fidgets, books, affirmation cards, mindful coloring sheets, and emotion charts to help kids recognize their feelings. When students feel overwhelmed, they can visit this space to regroup and calm down.

These classroom practices naturally led me to consider how parents can create similar supportive environments at home.

Creating a Calming Space at Home

Setting up a Calming Corner in your home can transform how your children navigate their emotions. Here’s how to get started:

Choose the Spot Together:
Even a small corner can work wonders! Involve your kids in designing this space with cozy pillows, calming colors, and comforting items that resonate with them.

Gather Emotional Resources:
Fill the corner with posters, affirmation cards, mindful coloring sheets, and sensory items that help children identify their feelings.

Make It Multi-Sensory:
Include items that engage all senses—soft blankets, calming scents, and soothing visuals—to create a comforting atmosphere where your kids can feel safe.

Model It:
Be mindful of your own emotions and triggers. When I feel stressed, I use the Calming Corner myself, doing mindful coloring or reading affirmation cards aloud while looking in the mirror. This shows my students that everyone needs a break sometimes and that there are tools we can use to help us emotionally regulate.

The Importance of Embracing Mistakes

Time-Ins are not just about managing behavior; they’re about creating a space where mistakes are viewed as learning opportunities. We want our kids to understand that making mistakes is part of growing up.

Discussing the value of mistakes openly helps your children feel safe in their learning processes. For example, if I make a mistake in class, I share it with my students, emphasizing that it’s all part of the journey.

Transitioning from Time-Outs to Time-Ins

When children feel safe and connected, they learn much more effectively. Here’s how to shift from traditional time-outs to the nurturing embrace of Time-Ins:

Say Goodbye to Time-Outs:
Make this transition memorable and playful! Write “time-out” on a piece of paper and ceremoniously toss it into a trash bin, or have a little dance party to celebrate this change. Get creative! Involving your kids in this process makes it exciting and meaningful, fostering ownership of the new approach.

Understanding the Differences

Time-Outs often feel punitive, leading children to focus on the unfair situation rather than reflecting on their actions. In contrast, Time-Ins encourage growth and understanding:

Time-Outs: You're in trouble, Feels punitive, Creates resentment

Time-Ins: A learning moment, Encourages reflection, Fosters connection

Having these conversations helps your children see the value of Time-Ins and understand the reasoning behind this approach.

Conclusion: Building a Supportive Environment

By adopting Time-Ins and creating a Calming Corner, you're setting your children up for success in managing their emotions. This approach nurtures their ability to navigate big feelings and strengthens the family bond.

Dr. Siegel emphasizes that creating an environment for emotional reflection deepens the parent-child connection and fosters growth and resilience. By transitioning from time-outs to Time-Ins, you empower your children to navigate their emotions confidently, ultimately transforming your family dynamics and supporting their flourishing.

In the spirit of empowering our children,